Demon of Depression

I've started reading this book "Out of the Blue" by Jan Wong. I heard about it on CBC radio one afternoon while driving back home. The book is the true story about the writer falling in depression and coming out of it. Depression is a sly disease sneaking inside you, you might not even know it. Its always good to know more about this subject and listen to those who experienced it. 

I picked few paragraph of the book:

" There is no universal story of depression. That is why it’s so hard to diagnose. It’s why so many—friends, family and employers—are skeptical and pass judgment. Depression is a complicated illness. You may read what happened to me and think, Hey! That’s not what it’s like. But it runs the gamut from paralysis to high-functioning behavior, with many layers in between. Some people stay up all night to justify staying in bed all day. Others seem normal: they go to work, they socialize, they run errands. And then one day, they go home quietly and kill themselves. ...

But here’s the surprising and scary aspect of depression: it doesn’t afflict only the weak. The strong are just as vulnerable. In fact, susceptibility to depression has nothing to do with strength or weakness. And yet, many people persist in equating weakness with vulnerability, and strength with invulnerability. Certainly, that confused many around me because before I fell sick, no one would have described me as weak.What happened to me is proof that depression can strike no matter how strong, able and tough-minded someone is..."

Must See Movie

If you like to watch a positive, funny , inspiring movie  go for "Intouchables". This is French movie based on true story. 

Have we travelled far enough, that we can allow our tears to fall?

A beautiful quote from a movie we watched last night 

My woolly Friend

I saw Its face first on the website called The Houzz. It just entranced me. I couldnt took my eyes off its little cute face. I could see the innocne in his face but it wasnt just that. Its pink smiling lip, pink shining little nose, pink ears standing up showing his awarness, and the way he kept his head high up showing his pride all bewitched me. I found the photographer Sharon Montrose's website she is a baby animal photographer. :)

After a week keep looking at him I finally order the print, now I am going to hang Woolly picture somewhere I can see everyday. To me his face is full of life, very positive and optimistic, he  looks curious and funny.  

It's interesting yesterday I was watching this TED video by Jane McGonical a game designer who was saying looking at baby animal's face actually increasing your life span.   There you go Woolly on the wall :D Love it

Remember Today

I spent a week with Behi and Behrouz (my cousin and her husband). I am recharged, happy and calmer now. We haven't been together this long since I came to Canada which is about 7 years. Every morning Behi prepared lovely breakfast table:
1- A bowl of different berries: red gooseberry, blackberry, strawberry and rasberry
2- Freshly baked baguette, buns and croissant tasted so good
3- Bulgarian cheese tasted very much like Tabrizian cheese of Iran
4- Butter
5- Sunny-side Eggs
6- A glass of freshly squeezed orange
7- Cappuccino
8- Tea, different kinds offered in a beautiful French tea box
Nima was telling me he still thinks about us sitting around a table for an hour enjoying the meal and chatting.

Behi and I talked. I bombard her with any topics I wanted to tell her but didn't have a chance. We tried to tell each other how much each of us changed since last time we have been together. We realized we both grown up.
Behrouz always liked photography and this time I noticed that he came a long way and becomes a very skilled photographer. He showed us some of the photos he has taken, which was absolutely brilliant. He took a gorgeous photo of Nima and I with Eiffel tower. That day there where hundreds of people around the giant metal tower but in the photo it's just Nima and I with the Eiffel alone. I have the photo beautifully sitting in our TV room reminds of so many good things.
I told Behi this phrase from the Lord of the Ring movie, there is a scene that Boromir coming back from a victory celebrating with his brother Faramir. He said to him "Remember Today little Brother, Today Life is Good". 

Paris Highlights

We knew we couldn't see Paris in 3 days thus we decided to sample the most romantic city of the world.

My colleague told me " listen if you needed to ask for guidance from Parisians, remember three things 1) they like greeting 2) they like to be acknowledged and 3) ask them if they can speak English but in French.  thus if you need to ask you will say Bonjour Madam/Monsior, parlez-vous anglais?

Taking advice from my sister and brother in-law who are experts on Paris "things to do", and my colleague, we headed to Paris from Rotterdom on express train.

Did the city wowed me? Oh yeah, just one word "charmant"

3-4 stories building with white stone finishing, petite balcony surrounded with black fence, delicate vintage design, and Granium plant decorating outside of each window that caught my eyes first.

Narrow streets pointing to a charming hill or a church, infinite number of cafe and restaurants, boutiques. My sister in-law told me drink as much coffee as you can, my brother in-law told us try baguettes anywhere you can. We did our best :)

We went to this restaurant recommended by my brother in-law "Le Relais de l'Entrecote" which was famouse for its steak with the most addictive sauce. The sauce recipe apparently is a secret, many men tired never succeed to remake it "un tel secret". We loved the food the steak was amazing and thin sliced French fries were unbelievable. We went back there the night after I think, we became addicted after the first try. :D

Another place that I liked very much was a pastry shop called "Pierre  Herme" the Picasso of the pastries as Navid said. Colorful fresh macarons with different tastes very yummy, the pastries looked very sexy each has a unique design. I got three pastries each cost about 6 Euro worth every penny :) my cousin Behi got 6 macarons with different tastes we ate them all on train back home except for one which is still in  the fridge waiting for a right moment to be eaten.  

Paris is alive city I feel. Many people are stylish, woman with makeup and accessories are adding to this city's charm. Watching many people sitting outside of the cafe drinking, eating and watching pedestrians all sounds cool to me. So many smokers in streets got my attentions I should say. Metro lines were so many but the subway stations were kind of unpleasant because of strong smell of urine, litters here and there. Well nothing is perfect. 

right behind Notre Dame Cathedral, on Pont de l'Archevêché I bought a lock for 3 Euro, wrote Nima's and my name on it, hardly found a spot on the bridge fence and put the lock around it. I throw the key into the river. Can I find the key if I came back after years? Who cares

I do have some pretty pictures that I will share later.

I Passed It Just Like That

Today I went for my G road test for the second time and I passed it. This morning when I got into the office I saw a big horseshoe was made at the bottom of my coffee mug from the coffee residue. I told to myself : today is my lucky day :)
I had an exam at 12:00 pm and I arrived at the exam location at 11:15. As my instructor advices I waited till 11:40 and then registered my name. He told me try to be one of the last candidate before lunch time. Officers will be happy to wrap you up and go for lunch.
My examiner was a very nice guy. He gave me a little bit of hard time during the exam " oh come on already what are you waiting for" or " go go go..." or " why did you breaks can't you see you have your own line, don't you look at ahead ". I thought oh god He is going to fail me. At the end he looked at me with a big smile and said: alright you passed :):)
I almost hugged him :) now who should gets the credit? The giant horseshoe inside the coffee mug or getting close to the lunch time :D
When I went to take my temporary liscence there was this man ahead of me who passed after 8 times he said I am a truck driver , driving is my profession ( of course in another country) but here I failed 8 times. I told him " it would be harder for you since you have your owen way of driving".
Anyway it is such a relief :)

Quotes For Saturday :)

Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.
 George Washington 

A friend to all is a friend to none. 
Aristotle 


Read more athttp://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_friendship.html#fA1i0kVBeXoxGFAo.99

Late night chat

It's 2 am and I am awake. Now that I am awake anyway let me give you some sisterly advices: :)
1- More than anything and anybody, LOVE YOURSELF
2- Be kind to YOURSELF
3- Be confident (find a way)
4- Be positive(sadness just chew your brain and if you are not yourself you do no good to anybody)
5- Fightback your pains and never let your pains break you apart (it does not matter how silly your pains are the point is if they can upset you, if they can break you, you must fight those back).
6- Love people and be kind to them but never be dependent on them because no matter how close you think your friends are there will be moment that they break your heart

I think I can try sleeping again..good night

Toka Instead of Enemy

There is an Indian tribe that does not have a word for enemy in their language. They use a word "Toka" which means a person who is different from you and is not your ally.

Just a simple note

It's a hot beautiful summer in Ontario. I am settling down at work which I like it very much so far. Life is good. Nima and I ride a bike with couple of friends every other Sunday. Last week we were riding along the river and at the same time there were people were walking their dogs, few people were sitting on a bench talking, a family or a group of friends were walking. I felt grateful. Happiness is that simple :)

I have something in my mind to do. I don't wanna talk about it know. I should do it. I know I can. I am telling to myself for that you should get a cottage or something with a nice view, clean your mind and sit. I don't know maybe later maybe now.

:):):):):):):)

I am finally coming to see you. :):):):

JUST GET REAL

I failed my G driving test today. Here in Ontario when you pass the road test you get your G2 driving test which expires in 5 years. Before this happens you have to get your G liscence.

Honestly I thought I've done a great job. I looked at my mirrors like every freaking 5 seconds, checked both sides of the intersection even when the green light was on, try to stick to 40 km/hr speed limit, pooooh

When the test finished the officer told me "unfortunately you didn't meet the ministry requirements today,..." He lost me at "unfortunatellllllllllllly".

What really bothering me is that here in Ontario people drive like crazy (I mean in Canadian scale). If you dare stick to your speed limit, cars will tale-gate you really bad, and even worse you might even meet with some of the drivers finger. If you stop behind every stop sign for "1001, 1002, and 1003" I bet someone will honk for you or the other driver whose turn is after you will just go.  If you look at into your mirrors every 5 seconds I bet you will ended up having an accident for not paying attention to your front. You see drivers here talking on the phone, texting, eating, even rare occasions reading.

I am a good driver for god sake. Never had an accident in the past 5 years.  I think the ministry should get real in examining the applicants. Instead of pretending that as a good driver you should pass 250 items, just see how skilled I am, How comfortable I am, If I am a danger to the road..What is the benefit of pretending to be "by the book" for 20 minutes and then go back to this jungle and drive as we all know how.

I have to book the damn test again, take few hours off the work again, pay the fee again...
I am pissed off you can tell ..

Ride on The River

It's been almost five years that I am living in Ontario. Ontario has an interesting motto "yours to discover" which really fits for this beautiful province of Canada. From the very first day Nima and I tried to visit different places here, either in cities or out there in woods. I know there are still places we haven't visited yet but I can claim that we saw a good deal of it.
One of the coolest place here in Ontario is Elora village. The village itself is very pretty specially with Grand river passing through. You can rent a tube and ride on this river in Elora Gorge. The experience was amazing. That day the weather was hot and humid. By the time we arrived there, it was a big line for tubing and I was really disappointed when the girl behind the cashier told me they are sold out. We went back there at 4:00 pm. The weather was getting cooler, we got two tubes, got on the school bus which gave us a ride to the launch area.
I sat on my tube and the ride began. I loved it. I felt like a leaf dragging by the flow, here and there. The river has few rough sections along which addeed up the spices but in general it was an amazing experience. At some part it was so calm and quite I could only hear birds singing and the soothing sound of the river. I was in heaven. Nima had a small accident at one of the rough sections his tube overturned and he felt in the river. Nothing major the river wasn't deep and he soon manage to got on his feet and control the tube.

Just give you few tips, get there early in the morning or later in the afternoon to have a chance to rent. Of course you can bring your own tube. If you like camping stay in Elora Gorge conservation and enjoy the night of Grand River. While tubing mind your butt :)

Before I close this post there is one more beauty we visited Elora Quarry. This is a bowl shape little lake surrendered with rocky edges. Swim to the center of the lake and look up.

Bravo to Brave

We went to cinema to watch Brave last night. Before the movie started they showed this amazing short animation called "La Lunar". I loved it
Here you can watch part of it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HVCXjmdMd4&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Good night

A Day Trip

This morning I called home to say hi to my mom. I usually call her up when I am driving to work. My baby sister, Helia answered the phone. The voice wasn't quite clear and I mistaken her with mom.

"Hi mom" I said.
"Hi child" My sister teased :)
"Oh Heli, is that you..how are you doing? how's things? How was your day trip the other day"
Helia asked me if I have time because the day trip ended up quite adventurous. She told me all about it and I couldn't believe what I heard. At some point I started laughing and all day today every time I remember what happen I can't stop giggling. The story has kind of "due date", or "hangover" fast pace genre.
I wish I could ask Tod Phillips to Make a movie out of this :)

Quote of tonight

"Everybody makes a mistake , minimize it fix it and move on" :)
Fictional president of the United states , west wing tv series.

دالانهای تنگ و دالانهای گشاد

اینجا هستم و اینجا نیستم.
راه میروم..راه میروم تو پیچو خمهای بی‌ انتها و دالانهای تنگ و گشاد این ذهن. هزارو هزاران در..هزارو هزاران پیچ..تاریکو تاریکتر..روشنو روشنتر.
باز می‌کنم.
اولین در..باد کلفور می‌پیچه..من و پیراهن هوا رفته..من و جنگل ما..من و رودخونه باریک کم عمق..منو اسب جمشید..الاغه پیر..رخش..در و میبندم
درِ بعدی..نه این تلخه.
درِ بعدی..صورتم چسبیده به شاخه‌های تنومند گردو..مزه شیرین انجیرهای سفید تو گرمای شمال..منو لیزا..نه نه تلخ نشو..در و میبندم
باز می‌کنم صورت مهربون و آبشار ساواشیی.
باز می‌کنم عروسی‌، رقص..چهری پر اضطراب پدر..وکیلم؟؟ بله!
این اتاقها..این پیچو خمهای تو در تو، منم..گره‌هایی‌ هست که آرزو می‌کردم هیچوقت شکل نمیگرفت..طرحهأی هست که میخوامشون...بارها بیشتر
غم فیسلوفم می‌کنه و شادی ساده لوحم …
ساده‌لوح هانه فیلسوف شم نمی‌شه؟

K'naan in Toronto

Last night it was Luminato's opening night. K'naan performed a free concert. Matt Galloway came to stage before K'naan for introduction. I looked around there were people from different origin, K'naan himself is originally from Somalia, his guitarist looked like a Latino guy, the guy behind the keyboard looked like an Asian guy. This what Toronto is about "Multiculturalism". This is what Nima and I both love about this place. We are open to new cultures, new foods, new dress, ...I love to get to know people with different background. I don't like to live in Canada but only goes to Iranian restaurants and only have Iranian friends, there is nothing wrong with this but not for me. I want more than that

Abakhtar

Abakhtar means north is the name of my dad's seasonal magazine. When he was here in October we were talking about how these days Internet is the main source of information. I encouraged him to make a website for Abakhtar to introduce it better, to find his own readers. He did it
Here is the link: http://abakhtariran.com/
Here is his bio: http://abakhtariran.com/index.php/anjoman/31-asatid/78-mahdavi
As a proud daughter the first thing I have done was to vote how the website is. Of course I voted really great :)
It's funny the options are:
Not too bad
Good
Very good
Great
Really great :):)

You noticed there is no really negative options available you kind of have to like my dady's website. Why not