Another Life Lesson

I had an interesting evening today. I talked, explained and listened to my friend just to realize how simple two minds can see things from totally different angle. It is not always easy to put yourself in someone else shoes and be fair. It is fairly easy for me to accept my mistakes and apologiz. Today I felt bad when I was reminded of my mistakes, I felt bad when I realized how much I hurt someone. At the same time I was frustrated when my explanation was not quite being heard. This is not an easy talk when two people trying to open up about their conflicts. You need an open mind, you need fairness. But I take a big lesson... When a conflict with a friend happens and you can't talk about it with him/her keep it to yourself. Try not to involve others. Try not to share your story with others. Because as time passes this only makes it more complicated. People may even add more to your story or say it to the wrong people at the wrong time and deepen the wound. Give it time, which will bring wisdom and perspective.

If you don't know Jérôme Poncet...

I have started watching Life, BBC TV series recently. I treated myself last year when I received an amazon gift card with buying several nature and wild life theme TV series by BBC such as Life, Madagascar, Nature most amazing events and so on. We were watching the first DVD tonight when I heard about this amazing guy called Jerome Poncet. I googled his name and here is his bio. What is in his gene that mine lacking!!! Seriously? "Having been sailing around the Antarctic area for the last 40 years, Jérôme Poncet is certainly the person who best knows the Antarctic Peninsula and all the islands of the Scotia Sea. A Pioneer in the Southern Latitudes: Known first for a 5 year round-the-world trip he accomplished in his early 20s along with his friend Gérard Janichon (from 1969 to 73) on board "Damien", a 10,10m cold moulded wooden sloop they had built. First small yacht to reach Spitzbergen (1969), to reach the Antarctic Peninsula all sound and to sail below the Antarctic Circle (1973) - Received the "Médaille de l'Ordre du Mérite" in 1973 (the French equivalent of a Knighthood) on their return to France. In 1974-75 Jérôme built "Damien II", a 15,20m-steel yacht suited to the type of navigation he had most enjoyed: Antarctica and the high southern latitudes. He has lived on "Damien II" with his wife and increasing family (his first son was born aboard) for the 12 following years, from Europe to Brazil, Polynesia, Tasmania, New Zealand, and to Antarctica and the Sub-Antarctic islands. In the meantime, he participated in several Races such as the Whitbread in 1973-74 (Safety), Saint Malo-Cape Town in 1975 (Skipper), Rio-Southampton in 1975-76 (Skipper), Whitbread in 1981 (Safety) First yacht to winter in Antarctica in 1978-79 and still the only yacht to have wintered so far South (67°45'S). Since then, about 30 "Damien II" have been built around the world. In 1987 he settled down with his family on a little sheep farm on an isolated island in the Falklands, a place close to his favorite areas of sailing, to nature and to a lifestyle he and his wife wished to have with their children."

SKN

I typed random alphabet in YouTube search window. I do this when I like to find new talents around the world that I don't even know their name. This is what I got for SKN:

"Skinny Love"
I told you to be patient 
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced 
I told you to be kind

Here is Birdy version

http://youtu.be/6tdUoRBySyU

And this the original version

http://youtu.be/ssdgFoHLwnk

Goodnight 

Cuba, Havana, Beaches, Cigar, Cars and Che Guevara

We visited Havana recently and the city wowed me. The dramatic history of the city thanks to Spanish and British of older time and American and Russian influence is very interesting. Old Havana looks like a Spanish city attracted many intellects to herself such as Ernest Hemingway. There is bar with his name that apparently he used to visit very often. Some of these charming building are falling apart but who can blame Cuban for not having renovation on top of their list.

Our tour guid was a middle age man, fair skin and deep green eyes who spoke fluent English. He talked about Cuba with a painful pride. He loved his country was tired of being trapped in time. He didn't want to see his country another province of USA but in his own way he admitted that comonism is not working. He said: "when humans are not motivated they won't work hard.You cannot pay the same money to the one who work hard and the one who stands and do nothing.  But change is coming" he said with a hopefull tune. " when you come back again you will see how fast Cuba will change". He said with please-come-back-again-soon impression in his voice.

I felt like unfortunate situations trapped these people in time. After thirty something years still trying to show the revolution spirit is in the air is surreal. Every where there are photos of  Che Guevara ; every where I mean; on the wall, postal cards, and even mugs. I really doubt that a man like him would ever imagined that one day he will be a major icon in Cuba to attract tourists who like to buy his imprinted mug, magnets, plates, ceramics, etc.

You will see different races of people white and colored in the city which to me is another interesting feature for Havana. Old American Cars, fresh Cohiba cigars, the exact Replica of the White House, the hotel that biggest Mafia meeting took place in, Bay of Pig, the square that young Castro had his longest speech of 9 hours... are all part of what form this city or country I should say.

 So far I visited part of Mexico, Dominican Republic and now Havana. My first impression from people I encountered, including the hotel staff, stranger in street, the bus driver, tour guide , etc is that  Cuban are more serious, mostly educated ( education is free in  Cuba) and are into politics ( considering how much the government is involved in people everyday life I am not surprised).

Thoughts for Tonight

I watched Lincoln movie tonight. I loved it. More than anything I love the fact the movie tried to show him as a man and his vision he had rather than a series of events happened at his time.
The directors didn't dedicate the movie to North and South war but tried to show what kind of man Abraham Lincoln was as a dad as a husband and as a person.

I liked it that his terror isn't shown in the movie it just shows his frail body in bed after the shooting drawn in his own blood.

I am surprised and amused that:

1- Lincoln was a Republican. Honestly I thought democrats were pioneers in banishing the slavery. I a shocked that 150 years ago they were so much resisting the idea. I always considered liberals and democrats as those who are open to change, are more flexible,are kind of more open minded in general. And on the other hand Republicans and Conservative look narrow minded, less flexible and backward to me. At least this is what they project by their acts. It's quit interesting how far each party came in 150 years. I think I shouldn't mix Abraham Lincoln with today's Republicans or Democrats.

2- How much USA changed from his time. Those people that were disgusted by the idea of having colored people equal before the law now have a black President who is a democrat. The very party who was so much against considering his ancestors equal before the law.

3-How much Gun technology changed but the laws haven't yet.

Goodnight

Live As Much As Noah

My eyes are closed, I am listening, only listening.
Aren't we blessed with arts. Who made this, how?!!
how many hours, how many days, I need to listen to all my favorite songs
How many lives I shall live
This isn't fair. I don't have enough time to finish listening, watching, reading what I want to.
How many lives I shall live to read your thoughts, to feel your pain, or to hear your laugh, through your songs or within your words.


"We shall live another life after this one, since we spend this one wondering"
From Saadi Shirazi

ای گنج نوشدارو

بر خستگان گذر کن

مرهم بدست و

ما را مجروح میگذاری

عمری دگر بباید

بعد از وفات ما را

کاین عمر طی نمودیم

اندر امیدواری

Happy Yalda Night

It was 4:00 pm today when I noticed my dad Tangoed me which I missed. I know he wanted to read me my Fal E Hafez. On my way home, it was raining like crazy. I know we are going to celebrate Yalda this weekend with few friends but tonight is Yalda and I can not miss it. I wanted to do something special. I don't know why but the only thing came to my mind was a beautiful pine tree shining with colorful lights. I got my made-in-china tree and surprised Nima. :)
I will call dad tomorrow to ask him about my Fal E Hafez but tonight I am getting one for myself.
I take Hafez poems, close my eyes, slip my fingers through the book pages randomly, open the book and this is what Khaj E Hafez from Shiraz has to tell me:

غلام همـــــــــت دردی کشان يک رنگــــــــم

نه آن گروه که ازرق لباس و دل سيهند

Growing the right connectom and prefrontal cortex :)

I am reading this book called "The Willpower Instinct" by Kelly McGonical. Kelly teaches willpower as a course in University of Standford. The book is explaining the science behind the willpower. It explains how strengthening our prefrontal cortex we can gain more willpower. And also she defines simple assignments to practice and muscular our prefrontal cortex. :)
When I was reading this book it reminds of Dr Sebastian Seung TED lecture "growing the right connectom". I wrote about this couple of post before. See when I said saying prays for 10 years was working like a magic for me because it gave me self confidence and of course willpower, to me this is the same practice that Kelly is suggesting in her book "meditation everyday". The meditation helps your brain to become stronger by growing a right set of neurons. This sounds very similar to me to what Sebastian said about our brain is capable of  growing a connectom based on our fears, experiences, etc.
we have flexible brain we can learn how to make it stronger in certain ways. I think being flexible was a key to our survival. My mom lost her dad when she was the Same age as me (2 years before I was born), she lost her sister in a car accident when I was 10, she lost her mother when I was 23 and her younger brother a following year. She told me once " Hiva I don't know how on earth I managed to survive these losses, I think I developed an iron mind." I know now that she certainly did.  This is how her brain coup with the pain.
Our brain is everything, our personality, identity, goals, memories, likes, dislikes are stored in  infinite layers that curled in each other. Curious just curious.

Old School Tourist

Last night I met a man in his 70. He was retired from 30 years of tunneling under GTA.  We sat on a table together and he told me about his trip to Iran in 1974.  Good years back then I was thinking to myself while he was trying to remember where he went from Tehran to Isfehan to Mashad. He told me things where simpler back then.

 "I got a tent and my wife and we went to Mexico, we arrived at the gas station and I asked the owner if I could set my tent there and he let us. See every nation are proud of their country if you show them your respect they will treat you right." He said. "When I was a kid my mom used to give me 5 cent to take the bus downtown , no one was worried that I was going miles away from home. Nowadays they put these whole safety things in your head" he continued.

He had an interesting vision of life, kind of a tough old school overview. He said "when you go on a trip it must be spontaneous. No plan nothing, you go and see what happened. That is more fun, when you don't plan then you will meet people which makes it interesting."

I like to meet with people who thinks different way and took totally different approach in their lives. It gives a better perspective. This man was very straight forward and to the point. I gave him my card but he didn't. Then my boss came to our table and teased him "Hiva did Mike gave you his card?"
"Nope" I smiled.  "There's no money for me here to give my card to her. I am the contractor you should know better. Ok ok here I give you one." And then he gave me one of his card. :):) Yes!!!

Growing the right Connectom

Life is quite dynamic. We grow, change, learn, adapt, experience, fail,...

The person I am today is different from Hiva at 18 years of age. " I am my connectom" I repeated after Sebastian Seung who is trying to answer to who we are through neuroscience. He said our experiences and memories in life stored through connections among neurons. 

I know more than anything I am looking for inner peace. A state of mind that wont easily be disturbed, call it wisdom, call it inner peace. I belive every person has to find a solution for their restless mind. 

- one might confides in organazied religions, phylosephy, aethiesm ,...

- one might confieds in family and/or friends

- one might drown himself/herself in work or certain hobbies

- reading books, listening to music, reading poems, doing Yoga, doing extreme sport, having a baby, having a pet....

The list has no end. I belive only I know what would works for me the best. When I was 15 years old I started saying prays. I loved it. It was working for me like a magic. I had a great self confidence which helped me overcome my anxieties. I happily said prays for years till the age of 25 which it was not working for me anymore. I found my doing kind of robatic, wasnt giving me anything. I knew I had to find another solution.  

Few days ago I was sitting in a bar with few friends and talking about life were we are going and stuff like that ( these are kind of topics you usually have after few drinks :))

I told to my friend, " in today's society we have big milestones to achive which keep us motivated. Motivation is a huge positive source of feeling happy. First we go to school, finish high school, finish university, find a job, find a partner. Now if you are a person who already done with your school, married and working you already achived big parts of your milestones. You reached to the plateau of your life. When you are on the plateau it's important to find out what you want. Without noticing the big source of your motivation is gone and without that you might find yourself disoriented, aimless, empty, depressed, middle age crises...."

It's like you have been on this super fast roller coaster that all of a sudden comes to this halt at the middle of nowhere. Where am I ? How these years passed? When did I grow up this much?

If you start having babies then again your plateau will start steeping upward which means now your babies life curve, affecting yours. Your children milestone becomes yours. You find yourselfe motivated again. But these days many couples having baby at older age and they have easily 5 plateau years or more. Don't be astonished if you find yourself confused, bored since the adrenalin of achieving different milestone is gone. As much as you notice this you will feel better. 

To feel the gap we start making other excitement in our life, we define other goals, get my boating liscence, learn fishing, buy a pet, planting, partying like crazy, running for this or that cause.  All good, all good. Whatever works I am telling to my self. Just find me my inner peace. Just grow me the right network of connectom.  Hallelujah 

Vote

Tonight is the night that Americans will know who is their president for the next four years. Nima who loves statistics, charts , numbers and graphs can not be happier : D

CNN uses state of the art facilities to analyze the results every freaking minute. John King working on his magic wall showing what is the percentage of voters age between 19-29, 30-46, 46-65, and older than 65 who voted for Obama or Romney based on 4 percent of the counted votes. And yes of course he will update us every 20 minutes.

 I cant help comparing this election with Canada's. comparing three course debate between American candidates and two rounds debate between candidate here in Canada ( one in English and one in French) which is basically one. I watched debates between Obama and Romney while red, blue, green, etc, lines jumping up and down, and jumbling to show how men and women favorite each candidate every second. Too much drama for me !!

I remember canadian debates between Five leaders of major parties. They were all sitting around one table call each other by their first name and talking. At the end, the chair of the debate asked each candidate to say something nice about the person who were sitting at his or her right side. I liked that gesture  very much. I like Canada to stay like this. Away from all noises and fake excitements take more reasonable approach to select the leader of the country.

I think Obama will win. I cant see how american expected him to do miracle in four years.  changing the whole office at this time doesn't sound right to me.  We will know by tomorrow or maybe not!!!!!

Demon of Depression

I've started reading this book "Out of the Blue" by Jan Wong. I heard about it on CBC radio one afternoon while driving back home. The book is the true story about the writer falling in depression and coming out of it. Depression is a sly disease sneaking inside you, you might not even know it. Its always good to know more about this subject and listen to those who experienced it. 

I picked few paragraph of the book:

" There is no universal story of depression. That is why it’s so hard to diagnose. It’s why so many—friends, family and employers—are skeptical and pass judgment. Depression is a complicated illness. You may read what happened to me and think, Hey! That’s not what it’s like. But it runs the gamut from paralysis to high-functioning behavior, with many layers in between. Some people stay up all night to justify staying in bed all day. Others seem normal: they go to work, they socialize, they run errands. And then one day, they go home quietly and kill themselves. ...

But here’s the surprising and scary aspect of depression: it doesn’t afflict only the weak. The strong are just as vulnerable. In fact, susceptibility to depression has nothing to do with strength or weakness. And yet, many people persist in equating weakness with vulnerability, and strength with invulnerability. Certainly, that confused many around me because before I fell sick, no one would have described me as weak.What happened to me is proof that depression can strike no matter how strong, able and tough-minded someone is..."

Must See Movie

If you like to watch a positive, funny , inspiring movie  go for "Intouchables". This is French movie based on true story. 

Have we travelled far enough, that we can allow our tears to fall?

A beautiful quote from a movie we watched last night 

My woolly Friend

I saw Its face first on the website called The Houzz. It just entranced me. I couldnt took my eyes off its little cute face. I could see the innocne in his face but it wasnt just that. Its pink smiling lip, pink shining little nose, pink ears standing up showing his awarness, and the way he kept his head high up showing his pride all bewitched me. I found the photographer Sharon Montrose's website she is a baby animal photographer. :)

After a week keep looking at him I finally order the print, now I am going to hang Woolly picture somewhere I can see everyday. To me his face is full of life, very positive and optimistic, he  looks curious and funny.  

It's interesting yesterday I was watching this TED video by Jane McGonical a game designer who was saying looking at baby animal's face actually increasing your life span.   There you go Woolly on the wall :D Love it

Remember Today

I spent a week with Behi and Behrouz (my cousin and her husband). I am recharged, happy and calmer now. We haven't been together this long since I came to Canada which is about 7 years. Every morning Behi prepared lovely breakfast table:
1- A bowl of different berries: red gooseberry, blackberry, strawberry and rasberry
2- Freshly baked baguette, buns and croissant tasted so good
3- Bulgarian cheese tasted very much like Tabrizian cheese of Iran
4- Butter
5- Sunny-side Eggs
6- A glass of freshly squeezed orange
7- Cappuccino
8- Tea, different kinds offered in a beautiful French tea box
Nima was telling me he still thinks about us sitting around a table for an hour enjoying the meal and chatting.

Behi and I talked. I bombard her with any topics I wanted to tell her but didn't have a chance. We tried to tell each other how much each of us changed since last time we have been together. We realized we both grown up.
Behrouz always liked photography and this time I noticed that he came a long way and becomes a very skilled photographer. He showed us some of the photos he has taken, which was absolutely brilliant. He took a gorgeous photo of Nima and I with Eiffel tower. That day there where hundreds of people around the giant metal tower but in the photo it's just Nima and I with the Eiffel alone. I have the photo beautifully sitting in our TV room reminds of so many good things.
I told Behi this phrase from the Lord of the Ring movie, there is a scene that Boromir coming back from a victory celebrating with his brother Faramir. He said to him "Remember Today little Brother, Today Life is Good". 

Paris Highlights

We knew we couldn't see Paris in 3 days thus we decided to sample the most romantic city of the world.

My colleague told me " listen if you needed to ask for guidance from Parisians, remember three things 1) they like greeting 2) they like to be acknowledged and 3) ask them if they can speak English but in French.  thus if you need to ask you will say Bonjour Madam/Monsior, parlez-vous anglais?

Taking advice from my sister and brother in-law who are experts on Paris "things to do", and my colleague, we headed to Paris from Rotterdom on express train.

Did the city wowed me? Oh yeah, just one word "charmant"

3-4 stories building with white stone finishing, petite balcony surrounded with black fence, delicate vintage design, and Granium plant decorating outside of each window that caught my eyes first.

Narrow streets pointing to a charming hill or a church, infinite number of cafe and restaurants, boutiques. My sister in-law told me drink as much coffee as you can, my brother in-law told us try baguettes anywhere you can. We did our best :)

We went to this restaurant recommended by my brother in-law "Le Relais de l'Entrecote" which was famouse for its steak with the most addictive sauce. The sauce recipe apparently is a secret, many men tired never succeed to remake it "un tel secret". We loved the food the steak was amazing and thin sliced French fries were unbelievable. We went back there the night after I think, we became addicted after the first try. :D

Another place that I liked very much was a pastry shop called "Pierre  Herme" the Picasso of the pastries as Navid said. Colorful fresh macarons with different tastes very yummy, the pastries looked very sexy each has a unique design. I got three pastries each cost about 6 Euro worth every penny :) my cousin Behi got 6 macarons with different tastes we ate them all on train back home except for one which is still in  the fridge waiting for a right moment to be eaten.  

Paris is alive city I feel. Many people are stylish, woman with makeup and accessories are adding to this city's charm. Watching many people sitting outside of the cafe drinking, eating and watching pedestrians all sounds cool to me. So many smokers in streets got my attentions I should say. Metro lines were so many but the subway stations were kind of unpleasant because of strong smell of urine, litters here and there. Well nothing is perfect. 

right behind Notre Dame Cathedral, on Pont de l'Archevêché I bought a lock for 3 Euro, wrote Nima's and my name on it, hardly found a spot on the bridge fence and put the lock around it. I throw the key into the river. Can I find the key if I came back after years? Who cares

I do have some pretty pictures that I will share later.

I Passed It Just Like That

Today I went for my G road test for the second time and I passed it. This morning when I got into the office I saw a big horseshoe was made at the bottom of my coffee mug from the coffee residue. I told to myself : today is my lucky day :)
I had an exam at 12:00 pm and I arrived at the exam location at 11:15. As my instructor advices I waited till 11:40 and then registered my name. He told me try to be one of the last candidate before lunch time. Officers will be happy to wrap you up and go for lunch.
My examiner was a very nice guy. He gave me a little bit of hard time during the exam " oh come on already what are you waiting for" or " go go go..." or " why did you breaks can't you see you have your own line, don't you look at ahead ". I thought oh god He is going to fail me. At the end he looked at me with a big smile and said: alright you passed :):)
I almost hugged him :) now who should gets the credit? The giant horseshoe inside the coffee mug or getting close to the lunch time :D
When I went to take my temporary liscence there was this man ahead of me who passed after 8 times he said I am a truck driver , driving is my profession ( of course in another country) but here I failed 8 times. I told him " it would be harder for you since you have your owen way of driving".
Anyway it is such a relief :)

Quotes For Saturday :)

Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.
 George Washington 

A friend to all is a friend to none. 
Aristotle 


Read more athttp://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_friendship.html#fA1i0kVBeXoxGFAo.99

Late night chat

It's 2 am and I am awake. Now that I am awake anyway let me give you some sisterly advices: :)
1- More than anything and anybody, LOVE YOURSELF
2- Be kind to YOURSELF
3- Be confident (find a way)
4- Be positive(sadness just chew your brain and if you are not yourself you do no good to anybody)
5- Fightback your pains and never let your pains break you apart (it does not matter how silly your pains are the point is if they can upset you, if they can break you, you must fight those back).
6- Love people and be kind to them but never be dependent on them because no matter how close you think your friends are there will be moment that they break your heart

I think I can try sleeping again..good night