Sunday, January 02, 2011


I was 22. Finishing a term of English class which was everyday based. There were two of my classmates (all of the students are females) attract my attention. Every day they kissed and hugged and said nice things to each other like: "I missed you so much" and that so much missing refered to 24 hours that they didn't see each other. To me they should have been very close friends and probably knew each other for a good deal of time. One day one of these love birds didn't come and she didn't show up the day after and the day after so at the end of the day 4th  teacher naturally looked at the other love bird and asked about her friend where abouts. She simply shrugged and said: "I don't know!". "  "Well would you please call her?" teacher asked surprised by her indifferent reaction. "I don't have her phone number". She replied.  "We can find her number from 118" (which is equal to 411 here in Canada) I said. "I don't know her last name". Right on that moment I was thinking about all those hugging, kissing, missing you so much scenarios everyday between those two but there even didn't know their last names. I was thinking what was with the freak show then.

I still have this question in my mind when I am seeing my female friends or acquaintances who just met or know each other for a short time and behave like they are friends of 100 years. This is different from being friendly this is more of a show. This is not like really care about each other this is simply is a fake show. The moment one of them is in trouble all those sweet words and hugging and kissing turns to indifferent behavior and things like "I didn't really know her". God I dislike these things.

Do men do the same?

Have you ever experienced that you are in a small group of female friends (I assume I am talking to girl mostly in this post) and suddenly for no reasons  two or three of them start bounding by speaking in a way that you can't participate. You feel you are being  pushed very delicately out of the circle. You watched them laughing, giggling talking in low voice like this is the most important secret of all. It's like a wave come and go and never last. Over an hour things might change and one of those who was trying to push you out , pushed out herself. It is nothing deep and not really bold enough that you can put finger on it. It's like a secret language between girls, you know, I know but we don't talk about it. We just play...God I dislike these things. I think this is a girly way to gain power and control..More people you bound with, more power and more control you have..But the things is this is not real power to me because the bounding is happening over a short period of time.

I learn one things if I have a friend that over and over again sending negative energy to me, if I have a friend that taking away my piece by playing and not being real, that person is not my friend. I want real things, when smiling at me, means that ..when you are upset show it to me..Aren't we girls complicated?..DON'T PLAY JUST DON'T


Deep Blue Sea said...

Hi Hiva,

You Know these people are shallow people. They are ignorant because they don't know the value of meaningful things in Life.

They immediately form a group and stick together for common gains on others as long as the goals are in realm of their shallow agenda. Of course like you said when real need is there they will become indifferent.

I dislike them too. Their behavior affects decent people who live by certain principles in Life. On the other hand they are unaffected because they are so ignorant and shallow. I wonder what they want in life and how they can be like that.

By the way men are also the same. In fact shallow men and women are together in these groups too. Decent people who cant compromise on their principles never belong in these groups.

As a saying goes "Birds of same feather flock together".

Solution for this. Not really sure except be cautious and develop an instinct.

Anyway Hiva. How is San Diego? Have a nice trip. And seriously - You are going back to Ontario right..

golshid said...

I agree completely with you, and you mention the reasons of these kinds of behavior in a good way, but in my opinion this behavior is for teenage girls not for 22 years old ladies.
meanwhile I should say that I became familiar with your weblog to learn how to write in good way in English and always I follow here.
good job and thx

Hiva said...


Thanks for your comment, BTW I am back now :).


Thanks for the kind words..These things not necessarily belong to a certain age..I agree you expect it from tanagers but we can be 50 but act like 15 years old :)

Behi said...

Or people that can have a close friendship with each other as long as they share someone else to talk behind her/his back. World is filled with people who never grow up! booos :)

Georg said...

Bonjour Hiva,

Let me first wish you a happy new year. You need it and you deserve it. You and your family.

As to your description, well I can't help thinking this is something specifically American. All those Europeans I know who have lived there for some time, told me the same: people there are very friendly, much more than here in Old Europe, but it does not go neither deep nor far.

Here, we are generally far more distant and reserved, in the beginning of a relationship. Reading your description of those two girls, I thought they were Lesbians. That would have explained the kissing excesses.


Hiva said...

Hi George,

Thanks for your comment. Lesbian? I never thought of that :D

sara manifar said...

This is the same thing as I wrote in my status. Why?? and,with knowing that, it cause terrible feeling to other person, why we do it again and again?? what is the problem to other guy???

Hiva said...

Hey Saraaa :)
yeah it hurts for sure..the best way is to ignore, some times making few jokes help :D

sara said...

but you know, in that situation, you can't tell yourself a joke, with these bad feelings.