Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Happy new year

We are in san diego, warm, sunny, and green. Blue pacific ocean with lazy seals laying along the shore, these tropical trees, and green ground are all haunting me. I am watching the news about snow strom happening at east part of the continent, burying cars, holding travelers in airports. I am not going back, I like it here :).
P.S. A picture is a Santa at the end of the Disney Parade 

Saturday, November 06, 2010


Friendship can be simply made but to maintain the healthy relationship one need to make an effort all the time. It's a dynamic relationship. I am a friendly person myself I can easily initiate, also I'm easy to approach (well most of the time I guess). When you are making friends depends on the level of chemistry, similarities and harmony between the two persons involved that relationship can get closer or fail (obviously). I usually take my time to get to know people better before getting very close. Simply because as I get closer and closer I become attached emotionally. Thus if for any reasons after getting close the relationship doesn't work I'll get hurt. However you can never tell how much your relationship would work until you get close.

I think the best way to have a healthy relationship is:
1- try not to analyze/ interpret every details of your friends saying or actions (he said this so he means that, she did that so she meant this...this things just annoy you and lessen the joy of your friendship...I think women are more liable of doing too much analyzing ).
2- Another way is to be aware of your expectations; as we get closer automatically our expectations get higher. Some of those expectations might be absolutely unreasonable but because emotions get involved it's hard to control them.
3- Be liberal; don't try to own your friend simply accept that you friend has other friends and she/he can enjoy their friendship as much without making your friendship less valuable.
4- Try to keep the balance. If you are the type that caring and devoting a lot in your relationship there is a good chance that you end up disappointed. If you are the type that your friends mostly benefited you rather than you  caring about them there is a good chance you will be cut off at some point and loose them.

As time passes you might upgrade, downgrade or delete your relationship; the last two are never easy.
There are few people in my life that I deleted or downgraded them for different reasons. The one that became possessive and controlling (rule#3), the one who was enjoying the free ride (rule#4), or the one who became weirdly needy (rule #2).

Life is too short , have an ice cream ;)

P.S.: A picture from here

Saturday, October 30, 2010

...A human is a human being..

In my 30 years of life I learned one things "a human is a human being". No matter how far we go, how hard we try to make a polish image of ourselves, at the end of a day we are simple naked ape with all instincts that other animals have: food, territory, mating, survival.. No matter how hard we try to show ourselves as saint or a bully we all have that naked ape inside, smiling at us.
I knew a girle, educated and from a good family who was in love with a skinny unemployed heroine addicted man for 3 years till the man die of overdose and a police found his body in a ditch.
I knew a successful businessman who had a lovely girlfriend for two years until that lovely girl realized he had a wife.  
I knew a girl who was cheating on her husband for 6 years ; all of their close friends and her family knew about it until someone voluntiered to let the poor husband knew.
I knew a man who had a sex-addicted wife, slept with many of his cousins and he has no clue.
I knew a highly educated boy, funny, smart and sporty who one day for no reason decided to kiss a random girl's boobies in an elevator.
I've been surprised in a positive or negative way by people around me. I am sure all of us has some similar stories. At some point in my life I realized that I could never be able to know someone good enough so that he/she would never surprise me. At some point in my life I stopped making a certain image of people I meet in my life. I told to my self "a human is a human" and anyone can do anything. But to tell you the truth still I am being surprised once in a while. Then I am reminding myself "Hiva, a human is a human being".
You might be be surprised one day even by yourself.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Late Night Thoughts

Sometimes I feel I am a leaf that strong wind drags me here and there. I can't stop it, I can't cling on anything; my hands are too slippery. I am just flying with this wind. Sometimes work takes over my life, from dawn to dusk. Right then I feel like being drown. Feel like a paralyzed person who can't stop and watch the flock of birds migrating and dream a little bit. Is it because I am a woman? Is it because I am Hiva?
I love working, I love being independent but you have to pay the price your freedom!
I love blogging and the fact that the gap between each post getting bigger and bigger upsets me. While working I am watching people around me and imagine writing about this and that incidents in here. When I am home I just can't put myself together to write. Blogging for me is Like praying..mediation..reviewing my day, reviewing my feeling..being honest with myself and spit it out in here..
List of things in my head...defense, car light engine which has been on forever, my family I haven't seen them more than a year...etc
Life is too short..I can live with a Mazda which its gas consumption is more that a SUV but I can't live without having my family in real term..something more than a voice through few phone calls or few photos through emails. I need a practical solution.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Field Experience and Extras ;)

Today I am off but I have to work this weekend. I was working last Saturday too. We were drilling a borehole on one of the main street in Toronto city. When you are working on a road here, you have to be accompanied with traffic guys and a police officer for safety issue. I love this part, making aquintence with different poeple. In general drilling one borehole on a road means a team of drillers, engineers, trafiic guys and a police officer working together.
Some people pass with curiosity in their eyes, looking at the giant drilling rig with admiration or amazement. Some even come close and ask questions about what is going on. One time there were 3 lovely kids about 6-year old I think, with their mom. They were so amazed by the all thing that finally their mom ask me to explain for them what was going on. They were actually asked me serious questions for a 6-year old. Some people just pass totally indifferent like the giant rig which make lots of noises doesn't even exist.
There was one time that heavy rain started and finally after I got soaked to my skin I remember that I have umbrella. I brought my giant golf umbrella (no I don't play golf) and 3 of us including one of the drillers, a funny traffic guy and me sheltered under. There were quit gentleman and hold the umbrella. Right on that moment I was thinking I would never imagine standing under a giant umbrella soaked to the skin and chatting with a toothless traffic guy in orange uniform about my life story.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Man mucham

When I was a kid there was this phrase that we used a lot "Man mucham" which was a childish slang for "I am out of the game for few minutes". Basically we used this phrase during a play when we needed to use a bathroom or we needed to tighten the loose shoe lace, or any kind of excuses. Back then no matter how hot the game was, no matter if we were at the peak of the serious game while someone said "man mucham" everybody give him/her a break.
These days I wish I could use this phrase in my real, grown up world. Hey everybody I know we are dealing with serious contract deadline, I know everyday is gold and we have no time to loose. I know we are talking about big big money but you know what "man mucham". I need to come out of this play, go home and hug my mom so tight , I need to go home and drown myself in my dad's arm. I miss my sisters, my brother, my niece, my home. I miss being their child.
I miss you guys, I really miss have no idea

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Getting There Soon

It's been more than a month since I wrote in here. I am busy working, commuting, trying to graduate :D. I finalized my thesis. I applied all the comments from my supervisors. Now I am going to make 7 copies and mail to the dean of graduate office at MUN.

I should confess it took me so long because I was too lazy to keep my "A.." on the chair in the weekend and do the final touch. When you work full time it's just not easy to spend more time working behind your desk at home. believe me!

I love my job that's a good news. I do like my colleges of course everywhere there are some weirdos or jerks but as far as nice people dominants I'm happy. Summer is ending and I am still waiting for my parents to apply for visa which I have a feeling they won't just like last two summers. I missed my family GOD know how much and I can't just go and visit them anytime I want anymore. Unless I quite which is not that likely ;)

Nima is downstairs right now watching TV waiting for me to join him to prepare delicious dinner. What do we have for dinner? Well we are going to bake 1 lbs Halibut Fillet and cooked some rice spiced up with dills.
Bon Appetit :D (ok I confess we just watched this movies, July and Juliet, last night).

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Sunday Evening Thoughts

Nima left this morning. He'll be away for a week. I am sitting here trying to plan something for our coming long-weekend. This summer we managed to go to two camping trips. I love nature, makes me so tranquil. I am sitting here searching the Internet, reading through pages of this lovely book called "THE GEORGIAN BAY COAST" and trying to figure out where can we go. Most of the campsite area are full by now but I am trying our chances through B&B, motels, INNs. Georgian Bay is the sixth largest bay in Ontario with variety of landscapes all around. It's a perfect place for exploration through caves, underground water, snorkeling over 100 years old ship wrecks, canoeing, swimming, hiking, you name it.

At the age of thirty I am starving for being more and more active, more sporty more outdoor-y. I want to challenge myself, push my boundaries to learn new tricks before I get too old for that. There are so many sports that I wish I was good at it.

But it's not just sports, I like to establish few numbers of hobbies. Hobbies which say who I am. I am working on a list..Like a bucket list maybe. I like to make a list of places to be visited, list of things to be done, list of things to be tried at least. I like to dare a little..

My list definitely starts with:
Holding a Koala bear on my lap  in Australia
Backpacking a striking trail somewhere in the world I want the whole package ocean/mountain in the view
Travel to the nice place with Behis (and of course Nima)

I am gonna close for now  and go have dinner all by myself (self pity :)). It's embarrassing but I have to confess that I am scared to be alone at night. I have to leave a light on much for being more adventurous :D

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Happy Anniversary

Today July 15th is the 5th anniversary of our (Nima and I) first meet. I remember 5 years ago this day, with a group of my friends and colleagues we went to a picnic out of town. It was a beautiful Fall called "Savashi" we went to. We were about 5-6 cars and we arranged to meet each other at the beginning of the trail. I noticed there were some new guys that I didn't know apparently they were my friends' friends. I went to them and introduced myself. My close friend's husband introduced Nima to me. We shook hands :D

Then our hike began. To reach to the fall we had to walk along the river. Water was so cool makes the hot summer weather tolerable. Sara another good friend of mine told me:
"Hiva do you know who Nima is?"
I already forgot which one was him. Sara pointed to a boy with cream shirt and blue cap who was walking a head of us.
"He is the older brother of our TA in Physics I" 
"Is he?" I asked surprised. "They don't look alike at all"

Nima and I had small chats once in a while. He was concerned about his camera not getting wet. Gave me a tip how to carry my backpack properly so not to hurt my back. Asked me about my admission from MUN university. On that day I could never imagine in about a year and a half we would get married. I would never imagined that boy with a blue cap and a camera gonna be the one.

I guess that's life, a box full of hidden surprises. It's short and time's flying. Just try to enjoy every moment...

P.S In the picture you can find me in a colorful (mostly pink) scarf and mantue, posing to the camera with my friends. Savashi Fall is right behind us and Nima is at the left corner minding his camera :D

Saturday, June 26, 2010

My Mind Entropy

It's about a month that I haven't got any time to write in here. 6 weeks at work...god it's exhausting
Nima and I stretch ourselves as much as possible to accommodate more things to do, house keeping, cooking, hanging out with friends.
At first I was really stress out. I stayed more than 8 hours many days. I couldn't stop thinking about work even when I was home. I was home but I wasn't. Nima told me once "I want my wife back". He was/is absolutely supportive and he tried to show me how can I separate my mind the moment I step out of my office. Became conscious of myself I start controlling my thoughts.

To begin with I start to say goodbye to office right after 8 hours "Hiva no matter how close you are to finish it after 8 hours out just get out, unless your supervisor ask you to stay or the deadline is tomorrow morning"

"As you stepped out, stop reviewing your day, say goodbye to "Mr amazing B", "Mr A the great", "Ms. N the mother of 4" (I don't know how she does it, she is just amazing), "Mr. P junior", "Mr. H the buddy" and so on. Everybody out this place is closed for the next 16 hours."

"I am turning the radio on, increase the volume and sing with song (I'll do my best). I am coming home yeah, lets think about what can we do today, maybe hanging out with "Hooman the Encyclopedia", have an ice cream a little bit of walk and chat and enjoy the endless knowledge of Hooman in almost everything"

Sometimes "Mr J the serious" from work sneak into my mind "Hiva is it ready yet?" remind me of Bart in Simpson "are we there yet". No no stop right there, I can't let you ruin my day dear, goodbye till the next morning.

These mind struggling sometimes continue even in bed before I go to sleep or right after I wake up early in the morning. I really need to tranquil my mind.  I  don't know when was the last time that I have deep 8 hours of sleep and imagine I don't even have kid or key responsibility at work (I've just started there). I need to reach to that point not to get excited with every tiny miny things happening around me. I'll be there yeah baby I'll be there soon.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

More on site experiments

It's been two weeks since I've started my new job. I getting used to my situation gradually. Sometimes I wish everyday was 24 hours. Being on sites are exciting especially when the site is an intact piece of land with trees and everything. I meet with different people with different background. Most of the time I am the only girl on site and I noticed that drillers find me interesting. For them I am like an alien hanging out with them. Apparently there are not many girls on construction sites. Some time drillers became a little shy and try to use less "F word", some of them ask me a lot of questions like what I am doing there, or how old I am, etc. I want them to be comfortable with me. I don't want to act like boys, I wanna be myself but at the same time I don't want to be a "Sissy" doesn't want to get her hand dirty.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Field Experience

Today was my 3rd day at work. I feel like someone who is thrown to the middle of the sea and does not know how to swim. I feel everybody rushed me into something. Everything is quite new to me, office, field, colleagues, and above all commuting. It can takes me easily more than an hour if I stuck in the traffic.
Site experience is very interesting, dealing with drillers, the traffic guy, workers, etc. Yesterday I was counting the number of "F word" one of the drillers used in a very short sentence. Yesterday I had a cookie with my hands full of dried dirt.  I am still trying to catching up, I'm trying to wake up from my hybernation.
Things also changed alot for Nima, now he has more responsibility. He has to cook most of the time since he is home earlier than I am. He has to take a bus to work sine I am driving our car. We both come home exhusted and try to spent the last drop of our energy together.
I should get used to my new situation as soon as possible and try to spend less and less time in the car. I can't talk to my mom during a day anymore, We used to talk every other day for half an hour. All these changes have been overwhelming for me. I am keep telling to myself: breath Hiva, just breath

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I still Like You

Do you remember your first friend? Someone made you thrilled each time come to you for play. I clearly remember my first friend. Not just one of the gang we use to play all together no, some one who was more match with me than others. I was 5 or 6 when we met first. Our parents were close friends. She was exactly my age and her sister was the same age as my older sister. She too was fascinated with animals and her first favorite was dog. We had so much in common as a kid. We play all the time pretend to be different kind of animals like two squirrels climbing the sofa (which to us was a largest tree in our beloved imaginary jungle).

As we grow older we still found lots of things in common to talk about, we both liked detective novels and enjoyed talking about Sherlock Holmes and Poaro. Gradually around the age of 13 I realized we are changing and had less and less in common. To me she was changing a lot but then that's just one side of the story. We where at different school and found different companies. Lat time I saw her it was her 14 years old birthday party. That day was officially the last day of our friendship. We didn't have argue of any kind nothing we just simply stop calling each other. Like we both reach to this understanding that we are heading different ways and enjoying different circle of friends. I never saw her again and never even heard of her. But I always remebered her as a close friend. I am sure today if I met her again we should start knowing each other from scratch and there is a good chance to find a lot of unpleasant things about each other. But I remember her as a girl who loves animals and loves play with me all the time. I remember her with all those positive moments we shared.

Last year she added me on face-book. I accept her request and notice that she just started her face-book account (because she only had 9 friends in her friends list). That was a pleasant feeling to realize she too remembered me. I thought she opened her account and decided to search for her friends and I am in her top 10 to search for. I looked at her photos and searched for old her (child version of her) in those pictures. I know she is an artist now. I wrote a small note on her wall and that's pretty much it. A child inside me still smiling at her as a first friend.

Picture is from here.

Monday, May 10, 2010


We are still practicing ice skating. Nima and I with couple of friends started it while ago and now we are all loving it. Although I am fully protected, I am still tense and lean forward all the time. It takes time for me to skate with no fears. Yesterday on ice I saw a Sikh man in his early 60th skating very smoothly and confidently. He was doing  figure skating, turning around, going backward, smiling to everybody and chatting here and there. We talk to him afterward and realized that he started skating at 55 years of age. It was really inspiring. There was a girl only 17 months skating with her parents and she actually started it at 12 months.
Skating is really joyful, the sense of freedom, coolness of ice touching your face and a harmony with others. I am getting better :D 

Friday, May 07, 2010

Hard Touch

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It was about a year ago, Nima and I visited Blue Mountain Village in Ontario. There was an educational exhibition about this little crocodile and a huge Python. Kids touched them with curiosity and some horror in their eyes. I didn't dare to get close, Nima told me the Python skin was so soft. No wonder some people loves to make stuff out of it..
Look at the third picture. There is a trace of blood under the crocodile teeth might be because of his jaws pressure. I guess we were kind of  educational exhibition for him :)

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Symbolic Sign

Yesterday my supervisor sent me an email with his comments on the last chapter of the thesis. He wrote some encouraging words for me about the job I have done. Right aftre his email I recived another email from the prospective manager of the company I am going to join in less than two weeks.
It's kind of symbolic, isn't it? I am staring at two emails and I know as time passes one of them will gradually disappear from my book of life and another is starting to be part of it for a while. It sounds these days are my last few days of freedom. I hope in the future I still be able to spare some time to come here and write about my life story.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Bubbly world

I had an interview today. I drove about 40 minutes and arrived an hour earlier at 9:00. I waited till 10 to 10 and then got in. The interview went very well and at the end the manager told me he will prepare the offer for me till the end of the next week.

I was happy and at the same time scared. the image they tried to show me was a little scarey. although I tried to have a realistic image about what I am expected to do there still I was scared. Basically at this time they want me to start from the very basic just like some one with bachelor. I have to go to sites around Toronto maybe 6 months to one year and supervise masculine workers. Workers who might find it so hard to listen to a girl like me. I have to prove myself to them and learn to be tough. The office is about 50 km away from home and I have no idea about the pay or benefits. I should wait to see the offer package to make my final decision. During interview both the manager and the experienced engineer tried to clarify that probably for the next few years I won't do any numerical analysis as I used to do for my PhD.

This is the real world.

Many of us live in a bubble with the wrong image from the real world, our ability and talents. When we are choosing a major at college how much we really know what we will become at the end? how much?
You ask a 7 year old kid what she/he wants to be! The answers are something like : I want to be a Dr, I wanna be an engineer, I wanna be a fire fighter, I wanna be a policeman...
Where do we get these ideas..sure TV, movies..makes everything looks dramatic, exciting, challenging, but not realistic...

I remember there was a TV series about  highway patrols dealing with drug dealers, murderers, criminals every day which is totally a wrong image.  Most of the time highway patrols fined ordinary car drivers like us  for speeding. You watch a movie, shows some young, handsome engineers working at decent offices and  think those engineers are probably sending at least one Apollo  to the space every week. If movies tries to show you a realistic routine of each career, a routine that is the case for  80% of your time, the movie won't sell. Everybody loves drama..and that what you get, a wrong dramatic image and you ended up doing something you probably hate and so bored with.

But it's not only TV or movies even these companies website are totally exaggerating about their work atmosphere. Just go around and search some engineering websites. I bet in every single of these sites you'll read something like " we are leading engineering company, dealing with innovative challenging projects." What many of these company should write is " we are working on routine  projects and every 10 years maybe a little new subjects pops up and makes us out of our comfort zone, so if you are someone with post graduate degree please don't bother to waste your time by applying for our company".

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


- Hi I am Ms. nobody, calling  to follow up on my resume with Mr./Ms. somebody.
- Sure let me connect you
-This is Mr./Ms. somebody's voice-male. Please leave a message!

And I know this is a dead end...He is not going to return my call but I won't give up. That's a Law of Seed :D

I must admit the hardest part of finding job is "the following up" section. You are as a total stranger calling to another stranger to talk about your resume. You don't want to look annoying or desperate. A friend of mine pushed me to follow up my resume few days ago which totally put me out of my comfort zone. But that's a good sign. If you are out of your comfort zone it means you are making progress. It shows something has changed for you. I need to practice being out of my cosy zone. I didn't realize how much I made myself comfortable at home during last two years of long distance study. Things are about to change...

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

The Law of the Seed

Andrew Matthew is one of my favorite authors. I read one of his books "follow your hear" about 6 years ago and I loved it. The book is simple but full of wisdom. here is part of his book which comes handy for me right now.

Nature has something to teach us here. It's telling us: "Most seeds never grow. So if you really want to make something happen, you had better try more than once."

This might mean:

You'll attend twenty interviews to get one job.

You'll interview forty people to find one good employee.

You'll talk to fifty people to sell one house, car, vacuum cleaner, insurance policy, idea.

And you might meet a hundred acquaintances to find one special friend...

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Happy Norooz, Happy Spring

After revolution in Iran many pop Iranian singers left the country. Many of them got together in LA and continued their singing despite all difficulties. Many of us inside Iran made parties, celebrated our Norooz, weddings, and birthdays with their songs illegally imported to Iran. This is one of the song that some of the famous Iranian pop singers got together and sang for spring in LA. I wish one day my people could freely get together in street of Iran, sing, dance and celebrate Norooz the way they like.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Hello Thirthies

I am 29 years, 11 months and 20 days old which means I'll be thirty years old in just few days. I don't feel like it. Honestly, inside I am probably 15 years old.
I finished my twenties, god that was fast. That chapter of my life is closed. So many things happened in that chapter, starting and finishing my studies, coming to Canada, and getting married are the big ones.
I lost, I gained.. My dearest grandma passed away and my dearest niece was born.
I learned what "future is now" means. If you plan to do something or learn new stuff just do it right away don't say one day. Because it can happen that after 10 years you realize you haven't started it yet.
I confess that last few months it came to my mind a lot "turning to thirty". It's like I held number '2' with my hands not turn into '3'. I know it's not a big deal. Life is life like it or not the blue planet spinning fast dancing around the sun and no body can stop the time.
Spring is coming, so does Norooz . Happy spring everybody, Happy Norooz :)

P.S the picture above is me around 2 years old. I loved my dummy.

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

It's a Two-Way Street My Lady

I read an article in Globe and Mail today about a Muslim woman who has recently immigrated to Quebec (Canada). She attended a french class with a black all-covering garment and a veil (niqab) on her face.

"The class was designed to encourage open conversation among immigrant students"

" She gave presentations from the rear of the classroom with her back to the class, which counted three men among 20 students. She even one day asked male students to move away from her. For one-on-one exercises, the woman would retreat to a corner with her female instructor"

Apparently after one term the instructor changed and there was a male teacher this time. Students sat around a U-shaped table and the teacher wanted to see everybody mouth to make sure they are pronouncicng the word correctly.

The Muslim woman of our story became so irritated, quite the French class and has launched a human-rights complaint against the province!!!!

It is so obvious that she was absolutely uncomfortable in that class who has only three male students, she was extremely irritated when a teacher asked her to show her mouth so that he can help her to improve her pronunciation. I don't understand why someone like her would wish to live in Quebec in first place. She is from Eygept (according to the newspaper) and as far as I know Egypt is a nice country with decent economy situation no war. Isn't she more comfortable to stay where she can freely wear her niqab and not be annoyed by the presence of male classmate?

What bothering me is that why on earth some one like her thinks it's OK to immigrate to a new country and expect, that country totally bend to her satisfaction but she can just stay as rigid as she likes.NO IT'S A TWO-WAY STREET PEOPLE. I think that male students have a right to complaint about her because she treated them like they have fatal contagious diseases or something. That must be embarrassing for them when she told them to get away from her. what the hell she thought they might do to her? practicing french? oh that's bad. It's ok for her to insult others because of her "beliefs" but it's an unforgivable act if her teacher ask her to uncover her mouth so that he can correct her. Have some tolerance for god sake!

These stuff really irritates me. Because I think someone like her considers all of those who are not Muslims or even those who are moderate/normal Muslims as  infidels. I can't be sure that someone like her would be tolerant toward others who are tolerant toward her.

Wake up for god sake, if your beliefs makes you hate other human beings because they are not like you, you are screwed you got it all wrong. Your practice is supposed to make you a better person, someone who loves and spreads kindness not some one who easily filled with hate. Your religion is a tool to help you to reach to your goals it's not a goal itself.
The pic is from here.

P.S There was an update to the story of this Egyptian lady at the French class. She was upset with  all this publicity and apparently the article didn't said the whole story and it was intentionally written in a way to show  her as a freak fundamentalist. I am sure she is like any other woman, a mom of three who wants to interact. I know just a piece of black garment don't make her less human. I think we need to interact much more than this to stop judging each other.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Battle of Daf and Tombac

Mastano-Homay is one of my favorite Persian traditional music bands (one of the few :D). Here is a piece of their song which is a battle of 'Daf' and 'Tombac'. I love it. Here you can listen to the complete version of this song.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Just another Wednesday

Today Canadian hockey team will play versus Russian. TV channels are trying to make a big drama out of this event: Canada versus Russia, Crosby versus Ovechkin. I learned about hockey here in Canada and started to like it. Now I am a big fan of Penguins and my favorite player is Malkin.

It's been 7 weeks since we started learning ice skating. It has been so much fun till now. I am gliding now of course I still have a long way to go, to glide at high speed and with comfort but I am doing it. Nima is better than me I should say.

These days I am just preparing resumes, cover letters, and list of potential connections, etc. I borrowed bunch of books from the library about how to write resume, how to do interviews, etc. But I know at the end it's all about the good connections and networking. It does not matter how knowledgeable I am if I don't know how to present myself how to sell my skills how to advertise for myself. I am a little shy to approach to strangers in conferences and introduce myself just for networking. But I'll get over it. Wish me luck!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

I know I don't know

Last night with some of our very good friends we engaged in hot discussion about God, organized religions, purpose of universe, etc..We were five.
Two of our friends were more certain that there is probably no God and religions do no good to humans and we better off without it. These two friends of mine reach to this conclusion that we don't know how we are here what happened before the big bang. But we know we are alive so lets live our live happily. They accept that one day we will die just like all other living creatures on earth and that's pretty much the end of it. No promise of heaven no threaten of hell...
Another friend of us was a big fan of reincarnation. He believed he can explain everything with that. He gave an example that if there is a child in Africa who was born in poor conditions and lives his/her short life in pain, this is a consequence of his/her Karma and it's necessary to pass this stage for better and purer sole next life till become God, at the end of his/her journey. He even said that the child might have been an ant in his/her previous life and now he/she is in better condition that being an ant which is lower and inferior in evolution chart. I personally don't agree with this kind of comparison between an ant and a poor starved African child. Why being an ant is worse than being a starved child? 
I personally don't know the answer of these questions. I don't know if God exist, if there is anything after death , if our sole flies through lives to be God, if there is a heaven or hell. I know I am here, I can love I can hate I can wish..These are the facts I am living with. I can't fool myself with beautiful stories which has no proof. I don't know the answers of so many questions but I don't even insist to find the answers. It's useless to force yourself to come up with definite answers for very basic questions like if God exist or not? if the universe has a purpose?
I wish God exist, I hope the universe has a purpose but that's all. I don't know more I just don't know!
All five of us were agreed that at the end every single person should find the answer that match his/her taste. If you are feeling good with this or that idea if it works for you go ahead. Just live your life happily and don't force your ideas on others. I don't like it when people are so certain of their beliefs and start judging you and preaching you that why you don't practice what they believe in. I don't like it when people closed their mind to any new possibilities that might question their believes.
I love Socrates. To me he is one of the wisest human ever lived, only because he knew he knew nothing of ultimate importance and didn't pretend otherwise.
The pic is from here.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Szerelem (Love)

I heard this song from The English Patient movie. I love folk songs no matter what language they are. The singer is Marta Sebestyen, Hungarian folk singer.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

Self Discovery

I finally finished my thesis and waiting for my supervisors to make comments. Meanwhile I started looking to see what' out there for me.
It's funny, all my life I wanted to be where I am right now. I wanted to get my PhD (literally I haven't got it yet) and be an academic person. Now that I am so close I don't like the academic life at all. I don't want to be a university teacher (at least not right now) and nothing else excites me either. Only few years ago "teaching at university and one day become a prof." was a big deal to me. Now I don't like that perspective. I don't know what I really like either.
I am asking myself what's next? What do you want to do? Where do you want to be in 5 years? I have no answers. I am confused.
Working in industry is another option but then there are not that much industrial companies who need post grad thus there is a good chance that after a while I felt bored with my job with no challenges.
I used to be very motivated and ambitious in a good way...Maybe all of us once in a while at certain age have these kind of dilemmas like what I am doing at all?, is it my dream job? Am I ok retired from this?.
when we are a child our head became full of heros stories and people who change the world which have big influence on us: when I grow up I want to be somebody , a hero , a genius, a world saver...But non of these are realistic goals. As we grow older we come up with more realistic goals but something secretly inside us still wish to be that famous hero.
What I need is a realistic evaluation of my abilities and interests.
I need to think..yeah I need to think

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


I have this strange head-lightness all day long today. It started yesterday morning, got better during a day and then came back again this morning. I feel slightly imbalance. It's not like I am going to pass out but something is not right.
Nima and I searched the web. There are list of potential reasons: dehydration, low blood pressure, ear problem or even eye problem. I started drinking lots of water, some tea, some sugar, honey, lime juice and salt none of these working on me today. I read on web that one of the reasons for this might be siting behind the computer for long hours. well I do sit behind my computer at least 8 hours a day and to be honest if that's a case I don't know how can  I stop my dizziness then. That's my life, I am an analyst!! get used to it body :)
Anyway I am going to see a doctor tomorrow and will update this post. Since I found  so many people with the same symptoms as mine on the web this post might be helpful to them.

This is an update: apparently for my case in was related to ear. Dr said it's nothing important and would be gone in few days. I am  back to normal after 6 days. I am a cat with her whiskers again :D

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Learning to Walk

Today Nima and I took our first class for ice skating. With shaky legs and small steps we were like kids trying their first steps. Before our class started the ice was full of children witthin the age of 4 to 7. They were skating like they born to do so. Our friend was joking that we are 20 years late. But late is better than never.
I want to be positive. instead of keep nagging about the cold weather I want to make the best out of it. Living in Canada necessitates doing winter activities. Learning Hockey is next on our list :).